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Collection of Jaspal Bhatti's witty one-liners- A tribute to the legend

Jaspal bhatti

There would perhaps be nobody in India born during the 80s who hasn’t grown up watching Jaspal Bhatti’s Ulta Pulta and Flop Show. Undoubtedly, India’s best satirist, Jaspal Bhatti’s death had shocked the entire nation and saddened them beyond measure. As his first death anniversary is approaching (October 25th), to pay a tribute to the great satirist/comedian/filmmaker, here we have collected some of his priceless witty quotes, tweets and facebook statuses that besides, feeding public with heavy doses of laughter, reflected a great deal on his concern for the society and all the political and social developments of India.

Collection of Jaspal Bhatti's Witty One-liners/Jokes/Tweets

1. As a sequel to 'Chak de India' Sharukh Khan is now planning 'Bas kar India' on hockey! (On Indian hockey’s sad run at Olympics 2012)

2. Sachin Tendulkar bowled thrice in a row...
Members of parliament are not performing much anywhere!

3. PM will open his mouth today if Sushil Kumar wins!

4. Hamid Ansari elected vice president for the second term. Many publishers of the General Knowledge books celebrated his victory.

5. All Cronic Majnus, Roadside Romeos and Tuttey Ashiqs went underground.... Happy Raksha Bandhan

6. A new column added to the membership form for joining the congress... Have you ever praised Modi even for his specs or watch?

7. Sachin lavishes praise on Gagan Narang. Haryana announces 1cr. All eyes on Poonam Pandey's incentive to medalists now.

8. Kapil Dev ta BCCI 'ch vapis aa gaya hun vekhna ai ki gharah ch batti, theatran 'ch POWER CUT te Akali Dal ch Manpreet Badal kad ayega.

9. All kinds of leaders go to Raj Ghat to take pledge to serve the nation truthfully. They should install a lie detector there.

10. Sharad Pawar is a valued colleague:PM
How did the PM calculate his value? On his declared assets or undeclared ones?

11. It's unfair.Congress should give due credit to Sharad Pawar ji also for the inflation and hahakaar in the country.

12. Comedy on social networks has stopped for some time after the heart beat of Rajesh Khanna has stopped... RIP

13. Manmohan Sonia's poodle: UK paper.
Who in Congress is not Sonia's poodle may please raise their hands!

14. Over Used Words.. Every producer director saying."meri film hatt ke hai" Kahan se hatt ke hai-from the beaten track or common sense?

15. Elderly advice2 SunitaWlliams: beta, chaltey rocket se haath bahar nahi nikalana, koi anjana cheeze de to khana nahi, suitcase ko lock rakhna!

16. How can I forge my signature:Pranab...Sir ji learn if you cannot..As President it's only ur signature and rubber stamp that will be needed.

17. WiFi & Wife: If something goes wrong with wife's functions do not count too much on the service provider means your in-laws!

18. I attended the cremation of Dara Singh ji today in Mumbai. He has started living in the hearts of millions of more people. When I had his antim darshan, it appeared as if he was still smiling. He had a million dollar-smile that could never be forgotten. Once he had told me in wrestling only those wrestlers win who maintain their smile.

19. TIME magazine dubs Manmohan underachiever... wrong!
He is underwear achiever: महंगाई के कारण कईयों की पैंटें उतर गयी हैं और अंडरवीयर में गए!

20. Sangma says he will be the next President...He believes faith and miscalculation can move mountains.

21. Coca Cola and Pepsi have traces of alcohol says a study. Should I mix Bacardi with Coke or Coke with Bacardi?

22. Coca Cola to invest 28000 crore in India. Toilet main pani na bhi ho to Coca Cola se kaam chall jayega.

23. Punjab ch padian likhian di sankhya 40 salan ch dooni hoi. Eh 8 guna ho sakdi hai jai imtihana ch nakal di thodi hor khull ditti javey.

24. Rupee plunges life time low against dollar..Oye baiwkoofo, New York waley chachey te Jersey wali masi nu piyar naal satsri akal bullaya karo .

25. Why don’t we select our Rashtrapati through a TV reality show? Give them tasks like taking nonstop salute from battalions of armed forces.

26. Planning Commission has spent 35 lacs for their toilets. I think the best planning is done on a toilet seat especially in constipation.

27. Both sons of jharkhand's education minister failed in +2 exam. He should set up his own pvt college & make them chairman & principal.

28. I asked a beggar why are you being miser with blessings when I gave u no less than 5 rupees.He said,' The rupee has dipped by 22 %,sir.'

29. PM says after the Delhi Blasts-"it is a cowardly act". Is it coward on the part of terrorists or the Government that cannot prevent repeated terror attacks?

30. What I feel is that at this juncture we should not forget to thank people like A Raja, Kanimozhi, Kalmadi, Telgi Sahib, Harshad Mehta ji and many others because of whom this agitation against corruption became this huge and a success. We should also thank all those who stashed their hard earned black money so far away in Swiss banks and gave impetus to this Anna’s move.

31. Had Anna been married, he would have needed 2 permissions to sit on fast, one from the Government and the other from his Wife !!!

32. Anna ta anna nahi hai par sarkar jaroor anni lagdi hai

33. Breaking News-Sarkar ankhon ka operation karwa rahi hai. ab ussey har imaandaar baimaan lagega.send ur good wishes pl.

34. With complete independence & without fear I declare that I am an awful slave of corruption, inflation, red tapism and my wife of course!
Happy Independence Day again...!

35. May God give u strength to bear the blow if someone else than ur sister ties u Rakhri....... Happy Raksha Bandhan

36. The most irritating thing I find at a traffic-light-signal is when people behind you start blowing horns before the light turns green or just or has just turned green. Can anybody suggest me a homeopathic medicine, meditation exercise, or a joke that can help me to keep cool at that time? What do they think the guy ahead of them is color-blind or something?

37. Launching our new Institute:
IIC - Indian Institute of Corruption

Pl. help us in preparing study-material. Initially, the courses would be online but later they will be converted to full-time courses.

Courses on offer:

Diploma in:
- CORRUPTION
- BRIBERY

- FORGERY

 

Certificate Course in:
- FRAUD, HAWALA & SCAM

PS: Ph.D courses shall be started after we get the deemed university status.

CONTRIBUTIONS WELCOME! :)

 

Source: https://www.facebook.com/bhattijaspal

 

 

 

 


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