Though I am not a narcissist by any means, but I do like to think about myself once in a while and have a little chitchat with my own soul or mind or whatever you call. There are definitely, some days when I badly miss spending time with myself and desperately long for the union within. One such conversation with my inner being, revealed to me a lot about me. Since it had been long that I hadn’t taken out time to take a sneak peek into the goings-on of my ever-thinking mind, it definitely turned out to be a memorable experience to interview my own self that had a lot of new things to say about me and the kind of life that I was leading…
As I patiently listened to myself and started taking mental notes of the musings of my mind, it occurred to me that had I done the same exercise more often, I would’ve really saved myself from certain unpleasant situations that I recently got myself into. Had I dared looking ‘inside’ on time, I would’ve certainly reacted in a manner completely opposite to what I did just a few days ago.
I am sure it happens with most of us. We hardly ever give much thought before acting out the negative expressions of the mind and when the damage is done, we secretly wish to have got a chance to rewind the situation...Ah! how many times have I wished to have a Ctrl+Z option in the real life….
While my mind was flashing the images of people that I had met in the last few days across my closed peepers, something wise in me suggested not to form opinions about them. “Why?” I asked. “Because, they’re not going to remain the way they are…always! People, things-living or non-living, everything on this planet is prone to change and either they’ll transform into better beings or meet their nemesis one day. So, why get attached to your notions about them?,” the voice came from within. “Okay! But what’s wrong in holding opinions? As a thinking being, I can’t stop myself from analyzing people,” I retorted. “Well, what’s the use in holding opinions about something whose existence itself is temporary… ever-changing! On what basis will you judge someone and form opinion about him or her? On their behavior? On their reactions to you? What if they change tomorrow owing to several new experiences in their lives and transform into better or worse individuals? What value will your so-called opinions have then? Wouldn’t they stand baseless then? So, why become a slave to your own assumptions and clutter your mind with something that will hardly ever stand correct in time?”
The questions raised by my inner voice, were enough to make me realize that I had been doing something terribly wrong with myself. Thinking more than necessary and stuffing my mind with useless thoughts about people and certain situations that are not going to matter a few years.. or perhaps, just a few months down the line...”But they do matter NOW.. Don’t they? And, isn’t NOW- our ‘present’, everything?,” my mind raised another doubt. “Yes, present is everything and it is what you should really live for. However, when you judge people, you consciously or sub-consciously, end up ‘reacting’ based on how you judged them in the first place. Why should your actions be molded by how you perceive someone? Why can’t you act freely? Why do you become a slave..a servant…of your own judgment?”
My inner wisdom was trying to put a lot of sense to me. However, it wasn’t easy for my already confused mind to grasp it. There were many doubts I had. “What if I feel like whacking the other person off? Should I do that?”
“No. Because that is not something that you really wanted to do! That is another reaction to what that somebody did to you in the past. It’s a chain of actions and reactions.. you see! When did you act freely last time.... according to your own inner wisdom.. not blinded by baseless judgments and opinions? Did you ever listen to me properly?” my inner wisdom smiled to say.
Who was this ‘inner wisdom’ speaking to me? Though I think of myself a spiritual being, still the spiritual jargon confuses me. Who was this ‘wise inner voice’? Mind or Soul? I don’t know. According to my limited knowledge, the mind is full of desires, is always thinking and kind of steers our senses towards the wrong direction, and the soul is perhaps, the one that’s pure, and if in case, we end up listening to it’s voice, the soul guides us to the path we actually ought to follow. So, in this conversation within me, the one who was confused was most probably the voice of my mind and the one who was putting sense to me was the voice of the soul…So did I just hear the voice of my soul? Did I? Did I?.... J Guess…it’s too early to say anything. But one thing that I concluded is that we all have an inner wisdom that wants to speak to us often. It is “us” who do not wish to listen to it. We constantly look outside to find solutions to our mundane problems but rarely do we peek inside to hear the voice that knows it all. After all, who knows us, our situation, better than us? We talk it out to others, thinking they would understand us and give us solutions. But the opinions of others about your particular problem may not always be true unless you have a really trusted friend who knows you inside out. True we must share our problems. Sharing is a good way to vent out the inner turmoil and frustration but in the end, it’s our inner wisdom that thrusts us to the right path.
I didn’t really believe in myself until one wise gentleman I came across told me repeatedly that all knowledge is within us. Don’t seek outside. Just be. Stay detached to your thoughts. Piece together the courage to look within and face the darkness inside. Silence the din and listen to the “voice” there….it surely has something wise to say..almost always…!